Operation Day 26th March 2018

My letter said to be at The Nightingale Centre at 8am. They are putting in a guide wire before the operation. I assume they do this when they don't have a big lump to aim for. First things first. Another mammogram to check that the clips haven't moved. Check. Though I'm beginning to worry that at this rate my boobs will be permanently flattened or frazzled with radiation! If I didn't already have cancer, I would get it due to massive exposure to radiation. Next is the guide wire insertion. Honestly, it is an experience like no other being laid down and clamped to a mammogram machine. After a few shots of local anaesthetic ( probably more Rhino sized amounts this time) its time to insert the wire. I was envisaging some fine copper wire, fine and shiny like in a plug. The wire was in fact of a similar dimension to the stuff they put in concrete to strengthen it! Once it was in place they have to...you guessed it... do another mammogram. Which was ok, I was numb in that area anyway but I was slightly concerned when the nurse told me to look away so the wire didn't " take my eye out" !! Oh, just one more thing. I need an isotopic injection which will show up the sentinel node. I  had read that it was a blue dye which turned your boob blue and made your pee blue for a few days. In my childish mind, I thought this would be quite amusing. You can't believe how gutted I was when she told me that they were using a clear tracer. The nurse explained that because it was radioactive, they would use a geiger counter to find it. She promptly whips out a geiger counter and sticks it in my armpit. It was like the intro to Crazy Horses!! (You Tube it!!). Cheered me up no end to know I was officially radioactive now.  Anyway, sight intact, or as much as intact as my sight ever is, it was over to The Roz Henson Ward for Girlie Bits Problems for part 2. I had fessed up to Emily and told her what was happening, so she had taken the day off to come with us. She was actually really good and very calm when I told her. After I had left her, she sobbed for 4 hours and shouted at me for not telling her sooner. As always, my wingman Mikey was there by my side. When I had infected stitches, he was there, with his trusty Stanley knife, sterilized with his lighter and cut them out. When I had cancer last time he was there every step by my side. When I had Chemo he was there, holding my good hand. When I had my hysterectomy, he was there. He was by my side every day at radiotherapy.  I've just realised something... Mikey, you're a fooking jinx!! :-)

Long Time No C

Well hello again. It's been a while. I'm hoping you have all  been checking the boobies on a regular basis and attending regular mammograms and that your boobs haven't tried to kill you.
So, a few years ago I was randomly selected for an under 50s mammogram trial. Basically, NHS in the Northwest are screening women under 50 to see if it is a worthwhile thing to do. I'm guessing it's because women seem to be getting breast cancer much younger and this could well save more lives. As a consequence of this trial, I tend to have mammograms every 18 months- 2 years instead of the usual 3 years. My last one was on March 5th 2018. They tend to be quite painful since the operations. Its bad enough that they get squished flat like dinner plates ( I'm happy to say they are still more dinner plate than side plate sized) but when they are full of stiff scar tissue it's a bit rough. Still, it's a necessary evil.
 3 days after my mammogram, I have an appointment at Gynae, Wythenshawe. It appears I have a condition called Lychen Schlerosus. Its a skin problem caused by, wait for it..... lack of oestrogen!! As you may recall, my cancer was hormone fed, so I am on Tamoxifen to mop up any random hormones floating around n my bloodstream. So, HRT is a non starter too. Great. The symptoms of LS are very dry skin patches and skin atrophy coupled with what I can only compare to the sensation of paper cuts on the most sensitive of girlie bits. Yes, my eyes water just thinking about it too!! Anyhows, I have steroid cream and other creams to smother on my bits. So, though I'm not really a "mard arse" ( as my mother would say), I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself. We got back from the hospital ( I say we, as Mikey, as always is accompanying me on my many visits to hospitals/doctors etc. Bless him, he is so good about this stuff. I'm sure he could draw a map of Wythenshawe hospital and all it's wards and departments from memory.)and I check the post. Letter from NHS following up from mammogram. Hang on...read it again.... and read it again. No, no, no. This is not what it's supposed to say! They are calling me back for another mammogram. Nothing to worry about they say. It's perfectly normal and these things are usually nothing at all and its quite common. My heart sinks. Not again. Please not again. I try to be upbeat and positive on the outside but inside i am sobbing. Actually, now I come to think about it, I have had a fair bit of pain in my right breast and some cording in my arm which I haven't had for years. I think that there is no need to worry everyone yet. I can do enough of that for everyone. Besides, its quite common and its usually nothing to worry about. I will wait until I have something to actually tell people. A couple of years ago, I had a scare. Not as a result of a mammogram but after an x ray. They were taking some xrays of my hips as I have terrible pain in them. The xray picked up a 'bone island' at the head of my femur. My doctor, who is a lovely guy sat and held my hand and said that ' he was thinking exactly what I was thinking', that the cancer had spread to my bones. Two weeks of thinking I was dying and a CT scan later, I discover that although they don't know what it is, they do know what it isn't. Several oncologists had looked at the scans, as well as bone specialists and they all agreed it was nothing to worry about. Its just ' there'. In that instance, I told Em what was happening. I have never seen her face filled with so much fear and sadness. I felt so guilty. I wasn't going to do that again. No, this time I would wait. In fact I will probably never have to tell her anything anyway. Fingers crossed.

15th March I was back at The Nightingale for another mammogram and ultrasound. The radiographer sat me down and explained why there was a recall. The letter didn't give any information at all. Left, right, top bottom? She explained there was a small patch of tissue which looked denser than the rest. " Right side again?" I asked knowingly. "No, the left". She told me it was very small and right near the muscle at the back. After the first set of mammograms had been done, the registrar had a look and said she thought it was probably some overlapping breast tissue but she would do an ultrasound to confirm her thoughts. Whilst she was doing the ultrasound, she said she was very confident that it was absolutely fine and that she would do one more mammogram but from a more precise angle and then i could go home. I asked if my lymph nodes looked ok, as they didn't last time. She said that they looked fine. I had the other mammogram. My boobs were bloody throbbing by this point. I was told to sit in the waiting room. So 5 minutes later, a nurse in a plastic pinny comes over to us. "Mrs Henson?" I nodded. " I'm just going to take you through for your biopsy"..... " I'm sorry but have you got the right person? I have spent the last 2 hours  being told its nothing to worry about and i could go home in a minute to suddenly I'm having a biopsy? That cant be right"
Seemingly it was right. I was having a biopsy!
It was very different to last time. There wasn't a lump to just aim for and pluck bits off. First of all they get you into the mammogram machine and locate the dodgy bits. its very uncomfortable when the bit they're after is practically in your cleavage! The 2 radiographers are lovely though and we manage to have a laugh. They numb the area with a couple of local anaesthetic shots ( actually, I had about 6. I'm sure they could have taken an elephant down with less than I had). They then fire a couple of locator clips in, so they can find the exact spot if I need surgery. They took about 8 or 10 lots of stuff for histology. At last,I was ok to go home...4 hours, 5 cups of coffee,300 mammograms, an ultrasound, local anaesthetic, clips and dozens of biopsies later. It's exhausting. Still, its done now and we wait. I cant sit wailing and blubbing and feeling sorry for myself. I know how this works. I got this. If someone had said to me 8 years ago that I had to go through this every 8 years and live until my 80s , I'd have taken that. Think positive !!

March 21st. 2018. Results day. Despite my outward persona being all positivity and calm, inside, I know this isn't over yet. As we sat in the waiting area I said to Mike that I thought at the very least, this would end in surgery. Mike was convinced that it was going to be all ok as they had kept me waiting for 2 hours past my appointment time and he thought that would be a bit mean, to keep me waiting just to give me bad news. I on the other hand was thinking that he was maybe waiting for a breast care nurse to be free to break the bad news. We eventually went through to a room with a ticking clock. Tick, tock, tick, tock. I hate the ticking clock. The worst part of this is the not knowing, the waiting, the ticking clock.
Mr Murphy knocks and introduces himself. There is a breast care nurse with him. She has a booklet, its yellow, with a sunflower on it. I know whats coming. I have been right here before. I've been given that booklet before. Mr Murphy is a very matter of fact bloke. He has a fantastic Northern accent and I immediately  like him. Without much hesitation he tells me that I have cancer again. However, it's very small and it looks like very early days. I had a CT scan last September and nothing showed up on that so he's confident that it hasn't spread. They are going to do a sentinel node biopsy just to be on the safe side. I don't ask him to take all the lymph nodes out as it doesn't seem as serious this time. Its grade 2 and is hormone fed again. Well so much for Tamoxifen!!!! 7 years of menopause and joint pain. An elective hysterectomy, for what? As Mikey quite rightly pointed out, it has been kept at bay for almost 8 years, so it must have done something good. Mr Murphy is confident that I will only need radiotherapy, surgery and a change of drug. Letrozole is the new drug. Apparently, where Tamoxifen mops up oestrogen, Letrozole stops the production, I think.  As luck would have it, Mr Gandhi , who has done my previous surgeries has a cancellation for next Monday. Lucky me.
I have to attend a pre op assessment the following day to check I'm ok for surgery. I am.
I really think that its about time they changed the name of the ward from F16 to ' The Rosalind Henson Ward for women with girlie bits issues. Seriously, the staff recognise me!!!

14.10.2013  The Pre Op.

Today's pre op all went fine. They did all the usual tests and everything was ok. Saw the doctor and she gave me a 'pre op' drink to take on Monday morning at 6.30am, so at least I get to drink something. Not quite a Nescafe Barista but hey ho. After checks, I had to go up to 'Medical Imaging'. which is a posh way of saying 'a topless shoot'. I am guessing they are for before and after pics. Either that or the NHS has a nice little earner in conjunction with the 'Deformed Boobs' website ( It's a niche market). I asked the photographer to not get my face in, just in case. All sorted within an hour. That's it then, this time next week I'll be under the knife once again. Purely in the interests of 'before and after'. Here are my' before' boobs. To be honest, I didn't realise how different they were. I tend to see them from looking down usually.

Hollow Roz

Hysterectomy November 2013

After another random bleed, I went to see the gynae cosultant, Mr Wynn. We chatted about the pros and cons of a hysterectomy. He suggested that though there was no physiological reason to have the op, he felt that the psychological implications would be great enough to warrant the op. In other words, it was a few more organs that the cancer couldn't grow back in. There is an increased risk of endometrial cancer with Tamoxifen, so it was a bit of a no brainer really. He gave me aonce over and said that unfortunately for me, i have dainty girlie bits and would have to have open mabdominal op and not the Egyptian method where its all whipped out with a knitting needle type thingy. Mr Wynn asked me when I would like to have the op done.  He suggested a date a fortnight later but i would have been laid up over Christmas. We opted for early January.
Once again, the op went well.  They gave me self medicating morphine on a drip. You just press the button when you need a boost. They took it off me in the end. The nurse said i kept stopping breathing. Anyhows, i was out in 2 days with a bag full of codeine and paracetamol. I was told to return in 5 days to have my stitches out.
I had a thoroughly lazy couple of weeks. I was spaced out most of the time and did bugger all. Nothing new there then.
I am glad to say that i didn't have any womb loss sadness  or feelings of being less of a woman. Just the joy of yet another menopause and feeling about 4lb lighter. I have decided that instead of dieting, I shall continue to have nonessential organs removed. Ange has christened me Hollow Roz. 😅
It also appears that i have had cysts covering my fallopian tubes and ovaries for some time. Aahhh genetics. The gift that just keeps on giving. 😆
After about 8 weeks, all was back to normal,well as normal as it gets around here.

Catch Up

Crikey. I just had a quick check on my blog and realised that i hadn't posted for over 2 years!! Procrastination. Maybe talk about that later. 😆
Anyhows, last time you visited,i had been for my new boobs pre op. The op passed without incident. Woke up with even sided boobs and a little more pert than they were before. No drains for this one.
I was disappointed with the'lipo'. They only take a few ml of fat, which is nothing when you have a 'Spanish apron ' like mine. Plus i had stitches in my abdomen. I did offer a donor service for people who need fat filler but sadly they couldn't oblige. The fat filler didn't really work. Still got my abscess crater. Got another scar for the collection too. The biggest disappointment after all that is loss of sensitivity. Its weird really. The boob that tried to kill me regained feeling,even though the nipple had been removed and sewn back on. The new lesser boob  has a huge anchor scar and no sensitivity.
So for now, all is good.
Keep checking!!!

Periodic periods are doing my head in!!

Mid September 2013 and the peiod pains are back with a vengeance. Cramps and back pain, gggrreatt!! By the 18th,I am once again bleeding. Fortunately my Doctor has rung to say she wants to see me after some contact from my hospital, so I'll just wait a day instead of sitting for another 7 hours in A&E. I know i've said it before, but I just wish my body would make up it's mind!! Am I post  menapausal or not? Jeez....
Anyhows, saw the Doc on Fiday 19th. My gynae chap, Mr Wynn has written to my Doc saying that although there isn't really a medical need for a hysterectomy ( apart from having Hysteroscopys every 6 months!!) he feels there is a psychological one and although it is a small risk, there is a risk of endometrial cancer with Tamoxifen. Anyway, she has written to him to say I would like to go ahead with the op. Downside is, I won't have any more children. However seeing as I was sterilised nearly 20 years ago and my fella was snipped long before that, it was never really on the cards.
I also received my letter for my pre op appointment for my new boobs yesterday. Am a little bit nervous about it. Not the right one, cos she is still numb on the side and I can't see it hurting at all. Plus, it's because of her lumpiness, I am getting a bit of lipo!! No, it's the leftie that's going to hurt. She has a full set of working nerve endings and that equals pain :-(.  Still, I'm sure it will be worth it. After nearly half a century, they are heading South a bit, so I may get a couple of perky years out of them. George, the lovely registrar had suggested I give up smoking at least two weeks before the op. Spurred on by my daughter, I purchased an e-ciggie. That was a month ago and I am now on nicotine free vapour. I do believe that makes me an official non smoker!! Seriously, it is the way forward. I haven't missed smoking at all.
Well, thats about all for now. I shall do some 'before' and 'after' pics and keep the posts during this next ( and hopefully last) stage. In the mean time everyone......KEEP CHECKING!!!!!!!

Trying times

More Polyps!!

It's been 6 months since the hysteroscopy and I start 2013 with more bleeding. The doctor and nurse both said " give it 24 hours, and if no change, go to A & E. 24 hours later and no change (other than it getting worse!) off we go to Wythenshawe hospital again. I really do spend too much time there!!
After a examination by the gynae doctor ( who I first met when I was rushed in with chest pains during chemo. She has since chosen her specialty. It was oddly quite comforting to see a familiar face)
They told me that I would be kept in overnight so they could stop the bleeding. The scan showed that my uterus is cystic again, so, more polyps. Blimey, they grow quickly. They said there is also a follicle on my ovary, which would indicate ovulation. So despite enforced menopause...twice, my ovaries want to work again. You can't keep a good ovary down!!. Anyway the end result is another hysteroscopy on Feb 19th and my consultant and I will be discussing hysterectomy after that. I am quite comfortable with the idea of that. I no longer have use for a womb or ovaries and on the plus side,it's 2 more places that the cancer cannot return to.
I have decided that it's about time I started to take some exercise. My normally strong and chunky legs were somewhat wasted after chemo ( sadly, the strength was affected but not the chunkiness). Starting off with some sensible walking. Did 3.5 miles in the snow yesterday. My back is not impressed.
Will update after the hysteroscopy. Until then............KEEP CHECKING!!!!!!

Hysteroscopy

Well, they sent for me quite quickly. The 6am start was a bit rubbish. Didn't know there were 2 6 o clocks in a day! As usual, my 2 troopers were by my side, well at least until I fell asleep on an examination couch in the waiting room. They struck a vein first time...very impressed. Maybe they are improving? I think I was only in theatre for about an hour or so. Came around at about 1.00pm because I heard the words 'sandwiches and tea' Emz arrived a while after and insisted on force feeding me glasses of water so I would pee and be allowed home, which I eventually did. Had a few stomach cramps for a couple of days but nothing too painful. The most painful part is waiting for results. Read lots of internet posts about polyps and Tamoxifen. On every page I looked at, the word Cancer seems to jump out. Tamoxifen apparently can cause cancer of the womb lining. I really don't remember them telling me that!!
After what seemed like weeks, I had a letter from the hospital. Panic over. The cysts they took are benign and I am officially discharged. I still don't know if the Tamoxifen caused the problem but so far so good.
I am off to a funeral tomorrow of a dear friend taken way too soon. It's a long drive, but I would like to say my goodbyes. The lovely Dennis lost his battle against this god awful disease. I am one of the lucky ones. Still here to tell the tale and to keep nagging you all to KEEP CHECKING!!!!!!!

02/08/2012 OK. That's not supposed to happen..

Quick update...Had another mammogram in July and all seems ok still. The soreness in my armpit is as bad as ever. Mr Gandhi just apologised and said that it was at the site of surgery and wouldn't really improve. The heat and redness on my breast...well that's radiotherapy damage and won't improve. I must be still cooking!! And the chest pain is damage to ribs from radiotherapy. Not complaining...I'm still here. The thing that's really upset me this week is that my ovaries appear to have burst into life after nearly 2 years!! It was one of the few good things that came out of all the crap.....that I was officially post menopausal. I was worried about it and phoned the breast care nurse to see if it was 'normal'. It would appear not! She gave me a couple of possible causes and told me to see my GP and get an urgent gynae referral. She says it maybe the Tamoxifen causing it, but to keep taking it, which I find a bit worrying. I have also discovered that the NHS and I have differing ideas on what is urgent! Hmmmm. I am wondering if reading 50 shades of Grey has given my pituitary glands a kick up the bum?? I didn't even particularly enjoy it much either! Will update on the 'Menopausal/ Post menopausal' issue. However in the mean time, I will refrain from reading female erotica, just in case. Oh.....and KEEP CHECKING!!!!!!!!

Looking back over my blog today and in all honesty, it seems like a lifetime ago. In many ways, it's been a tough couple of years and in others, it's been amazing! Quick recap..... I started work 2 weeks after finishing radiotherapy out of necessity, as our fine government decided that cancer isn't a serious enough illness to pay any type of benefits!! Earned myself a promotion after a lot of hard work and determination and settled back down to 'normal' life. The problem is, it isn't normal, nothing will ever be normal again. The chemo and the Tamoxifen has taken its toll and I am having my 2nd bone scan in 6 months. Looks like I have osteoporosis in my spine and am in constant pain. Every morning it is pain that wakes me. It's not all down to the treatment I know, and don't get me wrong, the alternative was not an option. The cancer still looms large constantly. I'm not sure if other people think like me but the other day I was stressing because I couldn't catch a cold. I kept waking up with the symptoms and by lunchtime they would be gone. Now normal people would think " great" it's gone. I, on the other hand was thinking, why? Is it because I have too many white blood cells and my immune system is working overtime hmmm Cancer? The pain in my hips? Bone cancer? Indigestion? or stomach cancer?  I am sure that I am not alone feeling like this and I try my hardest not to keep going to the doctor in case they think I am an over reacting hypochondriac but at the same time, I was so lucky finding my lump as soon as I did. The sooner you catch it, the better your chances. I think it's probably like being a member of AA ( not the motoring association!) once you've had it, it never leaves you and it's always lurking around the corner.
Despite the stressful and painful 2 years, I now have a wonderful head of hair and eyebrows and eyelashes. I have vile scars, but they are my battle wounds and I guess a very small price to pay. Still considering the boob job but I probably won't bother. I'm far too old to be whipping them out on a beach and Mikey loves me on the inside as much as out, so I probably won't bother. I will be going for my bi annual mammogram in July, which I don't really worry about while I'm on the Tamoxifen, it's afterwards, when I stop taking it that scares me. I want to know my grandchildren, I want to be a nana. I want to see my girl happy and settled. I want to be able to collect a pension!! Things most of us take for granted, I will cherish with every breath in me.
Oh yes, one more thing.........KEEP CHECKING!!!!!!!

Back In hospital. 13th August 2010

Slept on the couch last night, just because its comfy. Got up at 7.00am to make Mikey's brie and cranberry baguette for lunch. He always says not to but it makes me feel better. Thought I must have been lay funny cos it feels like I have pulled a muscle in my chest. Anyway, Mikey gets off to work and I go back to my couch for a few more zzzzz's. Phone woke me up at 10.45. It was Mikey, letting me know how is probationary review had gone. It had gone ok. The pain in my chest was still there though but it didn't feel like a muscular pain any more. The only way I can really desribe it is

Last radiotherapy 15th Feb 2011

Well. thats the treatment over and done with. The radio was a breeze compared to everything else. I have started to blister a bit and they say that the effects won't kick in for a week or so. I'm obviously hoping they aren't too bad.

The hair is growing back nicely but my nails are still pretty bad.

I went to the feeling great make up session at the Christie yesterday, it was lovely. I got loads of free samples of very expensive cosmetics and a bottle of SJP perfume, Twilight. Its gorgeous! So, anyone reading this blog who is going through treatment ( or just finished), get along to one of the workshops.!!

I have to go back to the hospital in 6 weeks for a check up and then my mammogram in June. Its odd to be honest. Although the doctor and my surgeon have confirmed that there was no cancer in the margins after my last op, nobody has said " Ok, thats great, you no longer have cancer" So it kind of feels unfinished. I know they don't say you are clear until 5 years has passed but I just expected someone to say its in remission or something. Oh well. maybe the doc will say something at my check up. It's going to be strange not having my life ruled by hospital and doctors appointments. In the past 8 months, there hasn't been a week gone by without an appointment somewhere! Hopefully, I can go back to what I started 8 months ago and do my teacher training....fingers crossed. Looking for a job is my priority now though.

I will decide about reconstruction later in the year. I'm fairly certain I will go for a reconstruction. Its not quite the way I would have envisaged getting a boob job, but hey, if its on offer......

Before I had cancer, it was a word, that I said in a hushed tone. A word that people still seem to hate to say out loud, because to most people cancer = dying. That is so not the case any more.

Cancer can beaten if it is caught early enough and we are vigilant, get to know our own bodies and not be afraid to go and see the doctor if something is worrying you. It is scary to be told you have cancer and your first thought is that you are going to die, and your second is, shit, I'm gonna be bald, but if you get an early diagnosis, chances are it won't kill you. I think it probably makes us a little stronger. Plus, your hair will grow back to be in better condition than it has for years!!

I have met some lovely people on this journey. Most of them breast cancer patients.All of them have the same positive outlook. Some have just had it ,like me and others have been clear for 10, 15 and 2o years. I am sure they will be friends always.The hospital staff at Wythenshawe and The Christie have been incredible, so sensitive and caring.

The next part of my journey is starting now. Hopefully, the fight is over and I can start planning and living again.

My gorgeous girl is getting ready to go off to university. She has been there every step of the way. She has held me while we cried together and she has made me smile when I was down. Don't get me wrong, she has been a pain in the ass sometimes too, but that keeps things normal and normal is good. My lovely bloke Mike has been my stable rock throughout it all. He must be soooo sick of hospitals!! Never once has he accepted that I could die, and his positivity has helped me stay positive. He was there when I woke from operations, rushing me to A &E with pains, giving me injections every day. They should have Mikeys available on the national health!!!

My family have kept me sane this past 8 months. Thank you all.

Will keep my blog posted with events that happen over the next few months. Until then..........KEEP CHECKING!!!!!

Radiotherapy 7th Feb 2011

Well, everything is coming along fine. I haven't had any soreness or sunburn type effect so far. Had treatment number 10 today. My throat is a bit croaky and is starting to get sore. The hospital has given me some sticky paracetamol to take, which apparently coats your throat with paracetamol, rather than it just being swallowed.

Still no sensation in my fingers and toes. Seemingly, its the Taxotere chemo drug that damages your peripheral nerves. I'm not sure I will ever get the feeling back. I shall ask the doc on Thursday.

My hair is growing back very quickly now. I reckon I'll be able to have an Emma Watson crop by summer!!

We are taking Emz to have her in growing toenails sorted tomorrow morning. They call it nail 'surgery'. Emz loving it really, cos it sounds dead dramatic...bless her.

Hoping that the radiotherapy isn't delayed an hour AGAIN tomorrow. Its crap just sitting around. Mikey, along with every other accompanying bloke in there, falls asleep. Honestly, last week, every man there who wasn't being treated was sat snoring ( or puffing in Mikey's case) Talk about moral support!!!!! Only kidding , Mikey is brilliant and is there every single step, holding my hand.

Anyhow, more posts to follow. Until then Ladies ( and gents!!) PLEASE KEEP CHECKING!!!!!

28th Jan 2011. Radiotherapy

Started my radiotherapy treatment this week. I have had 4 'nukes' out of 15 so far. There isn't much to say about it really. Obviously there is no pain or discomfort (yet!!!). My arm aches afterwards for a couple of minutes, but that's all. They fire the laser from 3 different angles. I have a 30 second blast and then a short 10 second blast from each angle. The area covered is slightly red at the moment and covered in pen marks. I have so far resisted the temptation to do the ' I expect you to die Mr Bond' line but I doubt I will get through the whole treatment without doing it at least once.

My hair is growing back nicely now. Its looking a bit curly though, which is slightly distressing as I am far too old to have cute curly hair.

I have to see the doc next week , when he will check for any skin problems that may arise. Will fill in the details then. Until next time............KEEP CHECKING!!!!!!!

Jan 17th 2011

Happy New Year ! Was back at The Christie today to be 'marked up' for my radiotherapy treatment. It took about half an hour in total and was basically 4 radiologists taking measurements and a few x rays, They make lots of felt tip markings so they can line up the machine exactly, when the treatment starts. I had to lie with my right arm up above my head to keep it out of the way, so that was a bit uncomfortable as I don't quite have a full range of movement yet. Once they have done all the felt tip stuff, they make some permanent tattoo marks. It was only 6 dots that look like freckles but bloody hell, did it sting!! My proper tattoo hurt less !! ( Apart from the one under my arm where I still have no feeling). All in all, apart from looking like a child had drawn all over me, it was fine.

I had a chat with my oncologist about the hard scar tissue and he said it would soften up eventually and in a good few months, I will be able to see just how much tissue has been taken away. He said it will leave quite a big dent, so I may have the boob job on offer after all!!

I start treatment next Tuesday, so, fingers crossed!

The thing I am struggling with at the moment is my drug induced menopause. Its awful!!! I get very little sleep most nights. Its the hot flashes. They seem to happen about once every hour through the night. Its impossible to sleep through them and I have started sleeping with a towel on my pillow. My head gets very sweaty. It must be due to the now massive amounts of grey hairs coming through!!! ( See photo below) Not too bad considering my last chemo was only 8 weeks ago. I am not sure how long this will go on for, so I am seeing my doc on Friday to get something to help me sleep through it.

My nails are still a mess, but at least they haven't fallen out and they are growing quite well. If you look at the pic, you will notice that there is one ridge for each chemo session I had, how weird is that?

Will let you know what radiotherapy is like soon. Until then.........KEEP CHECKING!!!!!!

Christmas Eve eve. 2010

WOO HOOOOOOOOO. Visit to the surgeon was everything I hoped for. He came into the room and sat down and said ' well it's good news' but then paused as if he was about to say 'and some bad news'. ( I didn't imagine this pause, as Mikey thought exactly the same thing at the same time) Fortunately there was no 'and some bad news' He said the op was a success and that the disease was gone from my breast completely....yayyyyyyyyy.

I must admit that I did cry. I had this urge to hug him but I am not sure of surgeon hugging protocol so I just thanked him with all my heart.

He had a look at my wound, well its not really a wound any more, just a scar. He thought it was fine but Lesley the breast nurse thought it was swollen and red. I think its fine to be honest and, having had vast experience in the infected boob department she trusted my judgement.

Lesley said she thought my radiotherapy will probably start in January as I am already in the system at Christies. She also said that with the radiotherapy, by right boob will shrink even more...bugger. Its a lready like a Water melon on one side and a canteloupe on the other ( a half eaten one at that!!). Still, I have no intention of whipping 'em out in public for the time being at least. They say you should maybe take a year to decide your next plan of action. They can reduce the other one or make a cosmetic hard shell to stop my bra sliding everywhere. I'll probably go for the reduction, It may help with my back problem :-). We'll see.

Next job is my radiotherapy tattoo. I am hoping for a Baloo the bear in a banana grass skirt or a microphone and some musical notes. Sadly I think it will be a dot. No harm in asking though!

I will keep my blog posted as things happen.

This is going to be a wonderful christmas. A few months ago, I wasn't sure how many more I would have...well, I still don't really, but you know what I mean.

Have a fabulous christmas and a healthy and happy new year.

My Mammogram is booked for next June! WHEN IS YOURS????????

KEEP CHECKING because if you find it early enough, before it takes a hold,you CAN beat this crappy disease.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

2nd Op 6th December 2010

Well, my surgeon loves me so much that he brought my op forward by 9 days, just so he could spend it with me!

We did all the birthday stuff on December 5th, which was very nice and made me forget about the op a little bit. We had a lovely lunch with John and Susy and enjoyed it thoroughly.

The hospital had phoned to say I was on the afternoon list and didn´t need to be there before 10.00am. We braved the snow and got there on time, only to be left in a waiting room for over an hour while they got my bed ready. Not sure why this happens? Its not like I turned up on spec and asked if there was any chance they could fit me in!!

Anyhow, they eventually gave me a bed and a gown and some hideous stockings that stop blood clots ( they actually stop blood circulation!!) I was pretty much last on the list, so I sent Mikey off home to do his homework.

The anaesthetist came to see me at about 2.00pm to see if I had any concerns. I told him about my vein problem and he wasn't overly concerned. He said that if he couldn´t find a usable vein, then he would put me to sleep with a mask and then worry about veins after.

Anyway, they came for me at about 3.45. I went to the theatre reception and my surgeon popped in to see me. He reassured me that it was a fairly small procedure which would only take about 40 minutes or so. He went off to scrub up and I went off to the anaesthetic room. I told the anaesthetist he had one shot, and then he had to knock me out!! He got a vein somewhere midway up the back of my arm. The last thing I remember was telling him that although it probably meant nothing to him, I was very impressed with his vein finding skills.

I was awoken in the recovery room and given loads of morphine, which was very pleasant. They kept me there until about 5.30 and then sent me up to the ward. On my way out of the theatre, the little Polish woman who had taken care of me the first time and reminded me of my mum was just coming into work and smiled. I actually didn´t feel too bad until they asked me to climb onto my bed and I nearly puked everywhere. I slept for a while and woke up in time for Mikey visiting. He didn´t stay long as I doubt I was making any sense at all in my morphine haze.

At some point during the evening they brought in another patient who kept all of us awake all night. I don´t want to sound uncaring, but after my 2nd cup of tea at 3.30 in the morning, I wanted to punch her! Even though she was deaf, forgetful and black and blue from head to toe after a fall....I need my sleep!! After getting no sleep at all I was ready for a coffee and some hot toast for brekkie. As usual the doctors turn up exactly at the same time as the toast....bugger!!

The doc had a look at my wound. I made the mistake of looking down as she did, and I burst into tears. Oh marvelous, I now have another huge dent in the front of my breast too!!! The doc tried to make it better by reassuring me that it would be made right as soon as the disease was all gone and that Mr Gandhi had tried to pad out my abscess dent a bit. Actually, I now feel a bit stupid getting upset. After all, its more important to get rid of the diseased cells than having perfectly symmetrical boobs!

They said if I was feeling ok, then I could go home that day. I didn´t feel great to be honest but I seriously needed some sleep. The pharmacist was trying to send me home with a packet of paracetamol until I pointed out that they might not quite cut it!!!

Like last time, everybody from the surgeons to the tea lady was amazing and I can´t thank them enough. The recovery was much easier this time, and quicker. It still hurts a bit but has healed up fine.

I am at the hospital tomorrow for the results of the tests on the stuff they took away. Please please let it be good news!! Assuming it is, I should start my radiotherapy in February.

My white hair is still coming along nicely. The pains in my leg muscles are very very bad and I can´t do too much walking yet but it will get better. My nails are starting to come off the nail beds, which I thought would happen earlier, during chemo. Apart from that....all is well. Looking forward to a nice christmas with my wonderful family.

I shouldn´t even need to tell you any more but.......KEEP CHECKING!!!

The Last Chemo !!!!

Well,that is that. My last chemotherapy session. It went fine, like all the others really. The blood nurse couldn't get blood from my left arm, so she used the right one,likewise for my chemo cannula.

It was great picking up a prescription for only my injections, knowing it was the last time.

The pains started by Sunday as I expected. This time, everything seems harsher. The side effects are much worse and I am having more of them. I am convinced they give you an extra strong dose as a last boost. My mouth is full of little ulcers, I can't feel my fingers and toes and everywhere hurts. I can't taste food at all, everything tastes peppery. I refuse to get down about it though,because there is light at the end of the tunnel and if I am being honest, it really hasn't been as bad as I expected and it is saving my life!!

My appointment with Mr Gandhi, my surgeon, was short and sweet. He has scheduled my operation for December 15th. He said I may even be in and out in a day, as it is a simple op. Basically he will take away some more breast tissue where the margin showed up some pre cancerous cells. I won't need drains or anything, so I will be allowed home as soon as I recover from the anaesthetic, which knowing me will not be the same day! On the bright side, I should be well again for Christmas.

A week after my chemo,the pain is nearly gone apart from in my arms. I am a bit worried about he right arm, hope I'm not getting lymphodema cos its that stretchy kind of pain that I had for the first couple of months after my op but it's in both arms...odd. The tiredness is difficult. I can't walk too far,it hurts. However, my new years resolution is to get myself fit and well so that should be ok.

Doc says I can't have radiotherapy until Feb or March which is later than I thought, but it still means my treatment will be over in time for spring. My baby hair is coming along nicely...grey..but getting there. I am hoping my eyebrows follow soon!!

Went to an interesting meeting at Genesis on Friday. The future for breast cancer prevention is looking good. It will probably be many years before a DNA test can be done to check if someone will get breast cancer, but it will happen.

Will keep up the blog as and when I have news. Until next time.....KEEP CHECKING!!!

Chemo 5. 28th October 2010. Nearly there!!

Mikey has a few things to do before we head off to Wales, so he's going to drop me at Christie's then pick me up later. Typically, the one day when I would have been better with an early appointment, I get a later one. Went and did blood tests first, as usual. I asked the nurse if they would be checking my blood sugars, due to the risk of inducing type 2 diabetes. I have been really thirsty this past few weeks, so am a bit concerned. The nurse told me to go and ask my doctor to authorise another blood test just to be on the safe side, which he did. There was a delay of at least an hour in clinic, but when I explained that I needed to be in Wales before 5pm ( the camp offices closes), they saw me pretty much straight away...result! Went straight to the chemo ward, hoping the clinic back log would mean I got my chemo early. Bugger......a 2 hour delay!! Mikey rearranged things and went to pick up Dad, save him stressing! Went in the dining room for a spot of lunch. It really did end up being a spot too, on account of the fact that I left nearly all of it. Healthy 'creamed' mash doesn't really work.
Back to the ward for my drugs. Dave, the nurse was very nice and said he would chase up my bloods once the drugs were on. He returned with my results. 'Normal levels are between 5 and 7 " he said. Mine were 14.7!!! and he said I should go to my doc asap. Now, I'm not one to whinge and moan but come on. If i am being honest, I always knew i would get the family diabetes curse but I could really do without it right now!! Dave the nurse says it might go away again after the steroids, but it will come back. I am now looking up any side effects I haven't had with this new drug!!!!!
On the bright side, we made it to Wales safe and sound. Emz didn't like Bangor, so it looks like Leeds Uni. The weather was poor but enjoyed spending time with my family. Didn't win at bingo, so I am now officially turning into my mum!!!
By Saturday night, the pain had started. Didn't stop me and Emz going to the fancy dress party!!
Will probably be in bed feeling proper sorry for myself for a couple of days now. Until next time.....KEEP CHECKING!!!