Shave Day. Part 1. Sun 8th August 2010

Well, to be honest, the first few days after Chemo cycle 1 have been ok. The tablets have stopped the sickness getting a grip. I didn't expect the pains in my upper torso to be quite so bad. In fact, I thought I may have been starting with flu or something until Wendy told me she had the same thing and that it was just one of the symptoms.

We all went off to do a shop this morning, while it was quiet in Tesco, less chance of picking something up. ( especially a Tesco breakfast as it turned out. They stop serving after 11.0am.....gutted. A tuna toastie just doesn't do it on a Sunday morning!)

Anyway, after putting off the shave for most of the day, it got to about 4.00pm and I couldn't put it off much longer.. We don't actually own a pair of hairdressing scissors or in fact any sharp pair of scissors (apart from some nail scissors and it would have taken days with those). Em opted for the first pair she found. I think she would have been better with the pink paper scissors I bought her when she was 3! I'm not sure who was more nervous...Me, Mike or Em! Probably Em, I think. I was far too distraught to be nervous. I really thought I would be ok. I thought I had convinced myself that it was empowering, choosing to cut it off and not find clumps on my pillow every morning. I was wrong. It wasn't empowering because it still wasn't my choice. I didn't want to do it...I sooo didn't want to do it. For 5 or so years, I have grown my hair ( granted, not always out of choice but sometimes lack of hairdressing funds) Oh well. I convince myself that it will all be gone in a week anyway, so it might as well be today. I can't take it all off today though...I have to adjust. We agree on a No 7 on the clippers for today. No 3 Wednesday and no blade on Friday.

Its too long to clip straight off, so Emz chops it first....and I cry, then cry some more.this is far worse than I thought it would be. Emz adopts a nervous giggle and then tries to convince me that its ok. Mikey cuddles me and tells me he loves me and it feels better somehow. After an hour or so, its done, well at least today's bit is. Strange thing is, I keep going to take the clip out of my hair because it feels like it is tied back.

At least it will be easier to try on my wig tomorrow!