Tuesday 22nd June

Went to the hospital for my pre op checks. Ironically, I'm quite healthy! Ok maybe I could lose a couple of stone but will have to delay the start of The Dukan Diet until I am out of hospital. I thought Mr Barr was being a bit over optimistic when he said one or 2 nights in hospital. Looks more likely to be Weds or Thurs before I get home. If the last general anaesthetic I had is anything to go by, I will be asleep til at least Weds morning.

Joking apart, I am very nervous. Not about the op so much as what they find in there. I am keeping everything crossed.

Em and Mike are still being brilliant. I shall write a list of chores for them to do while i am in hospital I think.

23rd June 2010

Going into Manchester with Em. Need to buy essential hospital stuff, new jammies, slippers etc. Need to be back before 3pm tho! Come on England!!

Results 17th June 2010

I had to wait nearly an hour to see Mr Barr. He was with another patient, probably going through the same things I had the week previously. Anyway, he eventually came in to see us. His opening line was..."well, there is good news and bad news" I would have preferred "well, its good news" but hey ho. The bad news was that..Yes, it was cancer. On reflection, I'm not quite sure what the good news was. I think it was that the tumor was small and that I didn't need a mastectomy. They still weren't sure about the lymph nodes so he said they would just take a couple and check them whilst they were taking the lump out. If there proved to be a problem with the lymph nodes, then they would take me back to theatre and remove the rest. He explained that after surgery, I would have to have a course of radiotherapy which would last 3 weeks or so. I would have to go every day for a 15 minute session. This, he said would be followed by a course of chemotherapy. He said I may not need the chemo, but he strongly recommended it to flush out my body. He explained everything really well and asked if I had any questions. There were really only 2 came to mind. Firstly " Am I going to die?" And secondly, " Will my hair fall out?". The answers were straightforward. He said " No. You are not going to die" and " Yes. Your hair will fall out" ( after the 2nd lot of chemo anyway). He said that I should go to The Christie in Manchester for a wig and decide later if I want to wear it or not. He left us with yet another lovely nurse, Evelyn while he went to check his diary for a surgery date. It was at that point it suddenly hit me...I have got cancer. At the moment it looks like it is contained in my breast, so what I don't understand is why they aren't taking all the lymph nodes away to make sure it doesn't spread? I asked Evelyn this, and she said she would go and speak to Mr Barr. They returned together and Mr Barr said " You are absolutely right! We will attack this thing from every possible angle and leave nothing to chance" Apparently, they don't always take all the lymph nodes because it can cause problems with pain and swelling in the arm. They can take my arm off if it gets rid of the cancer!!

Anyway, my lumpectomy is scheduled for Monday 28th June. That is the day I start to get better. It will be a long, tiring and possibly painful recovery ( about a year) but I will get better!!

11th -16th June 2010

Told my close family what has happened so far. Its a strange time really. I am trying to keep upbeat and remain positive for everyone around me, but I am scared. Mike has convinced himself that Mr Barr implied that it was pre cancerous tissue. He didn't of course. Whatever happens next, I know that the lump will have to come out. I have thought about my hair falling out. Its taken me 6 bloody years to grow it! Still, we will see on Thursday what happens. Everybody is keeping really positive and being great. I am getting Em to help out and make me lots of brews by saying that the nurse said I shouldn't be brewing up at all. Of course she knows that isn't the case, so I only got away with it for a couple of days!

The Wait. 11th-17th June 2010

The Nightingale Centre. 11th June 2010

The Nightingale Centre at Wythenshawe hospital is an impressive looking building. There is a huge stained glass window at the front of the building. The inside is bright and airy and very modern. Going in there as a volunteer, it always felt calm and surprisingly cheerful. That day, it felt anything but cheerful and calm. My insides were churning and I was scared. Sitting in the waiting room, watching people come and go with smiling faces convinced me that I too would be leaving soon with a spring in my step. Mike sat and held my hand every minute until I was called in for my mammogram, then he had to wait outside. To be honest, I was really nervous about having the mammogram. My doctor had warned me that it was quite painful, " even for ladies with larger breasts" she said looking at my chest! In actual fact, it wasn't painful at all. A bit uncomfortable, yes. I was quite surprised how flat they can be squashed!! This only took about 10 minutes and then I went back to the waiting area. Shortly afterwards, I was called again. The nurse explained that I was now going to have an ultrasound scan. "I take it that its not good then?" I questioned the nurse. She assured me that it was normal procedure to have a scan if a lump was present, so I felt a bit better.

The ultrasound started off ok, scanning where the lump was but then suddenly the doctor seemed to be paying far too much attention to my armpit area. Now I WAS worried!

I asked if there was a problem and the doctor said she wanted a colleague to take a look at the scan, as there appeared to be some change in the lymph nodes. That was when I first cried. NOT THE LYMPH NODES PLEASE!! It felt like I had been hit by a train. The nurse who waited with me was lovely. She stroked my head and held my hand whilst trying to reassure me that I wasn't to panic just yet, after all, it might not be a huge problem.

Dr Wilson came in an introduced herself, explaining that she was going to do a fine needle aspiration. Basically, they insert a fine needle into the lymph nodes and take cell samples for testing. It didn't really hurt. Just a strange scraping sensation under the skin. She did this a couple of times. I was told that they would be tested straight away and I would get the results after seeing a consultant. Back to the waiting area.

By this time, Em had texted me several times asking how things had gone. She said she wanted to come to the hospital and wait with me, so Mike went to pick her up and bring her back. I asked him to tell her the truth so far. I thought it might come better from him and would give her a chance to get her head around things before she saw me. I was still waiting to see Mr Barr, the consultant when they arrived back. Em and Mike were great, trying to cheer me up and yes, they even managed to get a laugh out of me.

Mr Barr came and introduced himself and explained that the preliminary test results were back. ( They really don't mess around there!) The fine needle aspiration tests were showing negative..no cancer cells found!! You have no idea how happy and relieved I felt right at that moment. However, we still had the lump to look at! He asked if he could do a cut core biopsy. This entails having some local anaesthetic and taking some samples from the actual lump. He explained everything he was doing,even showing me the noise the machine made so I wouldn't be scared when he fired it. I say fired because it is an instrument like an ear piercing gun. At no point did I feel any pain or discomfort. He took 4 samples for testing and said the results would be back by 1.45 that afternoon.. Time for a cuppa and a well needed cigarette! To say that I felt a million times better than I had 2 hours earlier is no exaggeration.

We went back to see Mr Barr at 1.45 to be met with even better news. The biopsy results were inconclusive which meant it might not be as bad as first expected and that it had been caught early. The down side being that I had to have another biopsy done, from a different angle, using an ultrasound. Once again, I felt no pain at all and I cannot praise the nurses there highly enough. They are so caring and understanding and sensitive.

Unfortunately the results would take 6 days to process. He may as well have said 6 years! It seemed so far away. Still, it wasn't all bad news and oddly enough, I left The Nightingale Centre feeling quite positive.

The Lump. 6th June 2010

It was late when Em went off to bed. She had been gone barely 5 minutes when she called me into her room. " Mum, I think I've found a lump" she said. I told her she was being a bit neurotic and that we were all probably thinking too much about breast cancer because of the day we had. She insisted that I check. Yes there was a strange little lumpy bit, but it just felt kind of normal and I said that she shouldn't worry and that if it was still there in the morning I would make a doctors appointment.

Her fears,however prompted me to check my own breast....and there it was. This was not an odd lumpy bit. This was a lump. Probably a cyst or something.

The following morning we both still had lumps so I phoned the doctor and made emergency appointments for later that afternoon.

We went in together and the doctor checked Em's breast first. It wasn't a lump!! Thank god!! She said it was good that Em was checking though and should continue to do so.

Me next. " Yes. You do have a lump" the doctor said. " Though its probably just fatty tissue. We'll send you for a mammogram to make sure" The doctor assured me that these things were dealt with very quickly...but what is very quickly? The next day? The next week? A few weeks??

I didn't hear anything the following day, so I phoned Lynda at Genesis to ask how long these things take. She wasn't sure but said she would go and find out more information for me. She phoned me back within 10 minutes with the direct fax line to reception at The Nightingale Centre for my doctor to send her referral. All day I waited for the call back, none came.

The call came the following day. They offered me an appointment for the following Friday. My silence must have spoken volumes because they asked if I would like to come in sooner. For me, the sooner the better. Not knowing what this thing was, was the hardest part. Was it nothing? Just a fatty lump? or something more sinister? I just wanted to know for sure.

The very nice lady on the phone managed to get me a slot for the Friday morning. Only 2 days to wait. That was much better.

June 6th 2010

My partner Mike, my daughter Emily and I arrived in Manchester on a cool drizzly Sunday morning to help out at the 10km walk. By 10.00am, Spinningfields in Manchester was already awash with pink. Marquees were set up and a volunteer team in excess of 100 were busy making preparations. My daughter Emily had sprayed our hair pink and had painted a breast cancer ribbon on our cheeks. Some of the ladies loved the ribbon and asked if she would paint them one too. Lynda, the volunteer co ordinator, saw this as a great opportunity to raise some extra funds. She set Em up with a table near the merchandise stalls and Em became the official face painter for the day!

Over 500 people came and walked that day. Men, women and children wearing the bright pink tutus that Genesis have adopted as their trade mark. Many of them touched by the illness and equally, many of them just supporting a worthwhile cause. Not only did they come in their hundreds to walk, but they paid to do it! It really did restore my faith in human nature.

Many people had come along to see and support Sally Whittaker ( Sally Webster from Coronation Street), who, after researching for her character did find a lump in her breast. She discovered it was cancerous and underwent treatment straight away. Less than a year after her diagnosis, she was helping Genesis once again. Her hair has started to grow back and she was bubbly and full of life and enthusiasm.

After a long day, we headed home. We were all feeling good. It makes you feel that way. Doing something to help others. Not because there is something in it for you but just to help. Em had also gone off around Manchester with a collecting bucket and had raised lots of money. I was very proud of them both...and myself.

Keep Fit and Pink Day June 6th 2010

The beginning

In January 2010 I decided to do some volunteer work. Finding a job was proving difficult and I was advised that doing some voluntary work would improve my CV. I looked on a website and applied to 2 organisations. Firstly, The British Heart Foundation and then to The Genesis Appeal, which is a charity for the prevention of breast cancer based at Wythenshawe hospital in Manchester.

I never had a reply from the British Heart Foundation, but Genesis contacted me within the week and asked me to go along for a chat. After CRB and occupational health checks, I was welcomed on board. There weren't many projects planned for the early part of the year,as everything was gearing up to a big fundraising day on the 6th June. I did work a few days selling merchandise in the hospital and drumming up interest for The Keep Fit and Pink Day, encouraging people to take part in the walk or just coming along to support us. I met some remarkable ladies who had suffered with breast cancer and were now volunteering for Genesis.