Back In hospital. 13th August 2010

Slept on the couch last night, just because its comfy. Got up at 7.00am to make Mikey's brie and cranberry baguette for lunch. He always says not to but it makes me feel better. Thought I must have been lay funny cos it feels like I have pulled a muscle in my chest. Anyway, Mikey gets off to work and I go back to my couch for a few more zzzzz's. Phone woke me up at 10.45. It was Mikey, letting me know how is probationary review had gone. It had gone ok. The pain in my chest was still there though but it didn't feel like a muscular pain any more. The only way I can really desribe it is

Last radiotherapy 15th Feb 2011

Well. thats the treatment over and done with. The radio was a breeze compared to everything else. I have started to blister a bit and they say that the effects won't kick in for a week or so. I'm obviously hoping they aren't too bad.

The hair is growing back nicely but my nails are still pretty bad.

I went to the feeling great make up session at the Christie yesterday, it was lovely. I got loads of free samples of very expensive cosmetics and a bottle of SJP perfume, Twilight. Its gorgeous! So, anyone reading this blog who is going through treatment ( or just finished), get along to one of the workshops.!!

I have to go back to the hospital in 6 weeks for a check up and then my mammogram in June. Its odd to be honest. Although the doctor and my surgeon have confirmed that there was no cancer in the margins after my last op, nobody has said " Ok, thats great, you no longer have cancer" So it kind of feels unfinished. I know they don't say you are clear until 5 years has passed but I just expected someone to say its in remission or something. Oh well. maybe the doc will say something at my check up. It's going to be strange not having my life ruled by hospital and doctors appointments. In the past 8 months, there hasn't been a week gone by without an appointment somewhere! Hopefully, I can go back to what I started 8 months ago and do my teacher training....fingers crossed. Looking for a job is my priority now though.

I will decide about reconstruction later in the year. I'm fairly certain I will go for a reconstruction. Its not quite the way I would have envisaged getting a boob job, but hey, if its on offer......

Before I had cancer, it was a word, that I said in a hushed tone. A word that people still seem to hate to say out loud, because to most people cancer = dying. That is so not the case any more.

Cancer can beaten if it is caught early enough and we are vigilant, get to know our own bodies and not be afraid to go and see the doctor if something is worrying you. It is scary to be told you have cancer and your first thought is that you are going to die, and your second is, shit, I'm gonna be bald, but if you get an early diagnosis, chances are it won't kill you. I think it probably makes us a little stronger. Plus, your hair will grow back to be in better condition than it has for years!!

I have met some lovely people on this journey. Most of them breast cancer patients.All of them have the same positive outlook. Some have just had it ,like me and others have been clear for 10, 15 and 2o years. I am sure they will be friends always.The hospital staff at Wythenshawe and The Christie have been incredible, so sensitive and caring.

The next part of my journey is starting now. Hopefully, the fight is over and I can start planning and living again.

My gorgeous girl is getting ready to go off to university. She has been there every step of the way. She has held me while we cried together and she has made me smile when I was down. Don't get me wrong, she has been a pain in the ass sometimes too, but that keeps things normal and normal is good. My lovely bloke Mike has been my stable rock throughout it all. He must be soooo sick of hospitals!! Never once has he accepted that I could die, and his positivity has helped me stay positive. He was there when I woke from operations, rushing me to A &E with pains, giving me injections every day. They should have Mikeys available on the national health!!!

My family have kept me sane this past 8 months. Thank you all.

Will keep my blog posted with events that happen over the next few months. Until then..........KEEP CHECKING!!!!!

Radiotherapy 7th Feb 2011

Well, everything is coming along fine. I haven't had any soreness or sunburn type effect so far. Had treatment number 10 today. My throat is a bit croaky and is starting to get sore. The hospital has given me some sticky paracetamol to take, which apparently coats your throat with paracetamol, rather than it just being swallowed.

Still no sensation in my fingers and toes. Seemingly, its the Taxotere chemo drug that damages your peripheral nerves. I'm not sure I will ever get the feeling back. I shall ask the doc on Thursday.

My hair is growing back very quickly now. I reckon I'll be able to have an Emma Watson crop by summer!!

We are taking Emz to have her in growing toenails sorted tomorrow morning. They call it nail 'surgery'. Emz loving it really, cos it sounds dead dramatic...bless her.

Hoping that the radiotherapy isn't delayed an hour AGAIN tomorrow. Its crap just sitting around. Mikey, along with every other accompanying bloke in there, falls asleep. Honestly, last week, every man there who wasn't being treated was sat snoring ( or puffing in Mikey's case) Talk about moral support!!!!! Only kidding , Mikey is brilliant and is there every single step, holding my hand.

Anyhow, more posts to follow. Until then Ladies ( and gents!!) PLEASE KEEP CHECKING!!!!!

28th Jan 2011. Radiotherapy

Started my radiotherapy treatment this week. I have had 4 'nukes' out of 15 so far. There isn't much to say about it really. Obviously there is no pain or discomfort (yet!!!). My arm aches afterwards for a couple of minutes, but that's all. They fire the laser from 3 different angles. I have a 30 second blast and then a short 10 second blast from each angle. The area covered is slightly red at the moment and covered in pen marks. I have so far resisted the temptation to do the ' I expect you to die Mr Bond' line but I doubt I will get through the whole treatment without doing it at least once.

My hair is growing back nicely now. Its looking a bit curly though, which is slightly distressing as I am far too old to have cute curly hair.

I have to see the doc next week , when he will check for any skin problems that may arise. Will fill in the details then. Until next time............KEEP CHECKING!!!!!!!

Jan 17th 2011

Happy New Year ! Was back at The Christie today to be 'marked up' for my radiotherapy treatment. It took about half an hour in total and was basically 4 radiologists taking measurements and a few x rays, They make lots of felt tip markings so they can line up the machine exactly, when the treatment starts. I had to lie with my right arm up above my head to keep it out of the way, so that was a bit uncomfortable as I don't quite have a full range of movement yet. Once they have done all the felt tip stuff, they make some permanent tattoo marks. It was only 6 dots that look like freckles but bloody hell, did it sting!! My proper tattoo hurt less !! ( Apart from the one under my arm where I still have no feeling). All in all, apart from looking like a child had drawn all over me, it was fine.

I had a chat with my oncologist about the hard scar tissue and he said it would soften up eventually and in a good few months, I will be able to see just how much tissue has been taken away. He said it will leave quite a big dent, so I may have the boob job on offer after all!!

I start treatment next Tuesday, so, fingers crossed!

The thing I am struggling with at the moment is my drug induced menopause. Its awful!!! I get very little sleep most nights. Its the hot flashes. They seem to happen about once every hour through the night. Its impossible to sleep through them and I have started sleeping with a towel on my pillow. My head gets very sweaty. It must be due to the now massive amounts of grey hairs coming through!!! ( See photo below) Not too bad considering my last chemo was only 8 weeks ago. I am not sure how long this will go on for, so I am seeing my doc on Friday to get something to help me sleep through it.

My nails are still a mess, but at least they haven't fallen out and they are growing quite well. If you look at the pic, you will notice that there is one ridge for each chemo session I had, how weird is that?

Will let you know what radiotherapy is like soon. Until then.........KEEP CHECKING!!!!!!

Christmas Eve eve. 2010

WOO HOOOOOOOOO. Visit to the surgeon was everything I hoped for. He came into the room and sat down and said ' well it's good news' but then paused as if he was about to say 'and some bad news'. ( I didn't imagine this pause, as Mikey thought exactly the same thing at the same time) Fortunately there was no 'and some bad news' He said the op was a success and that the disease was gone from my breast completely....yayyyyyyyyy.

I must admit that I did cry. I had this urge to hug him but I am not sure of surgeon hugging protocol so I just thanked him with all my heart.

He had a look at my wound, well its not really a wound any more, just a scar. He thought it was fine but Lesley the breast nurse thought it was swollen and red. I think its fine to be honest and, having had vast experience in the infected boob department she trusted my judgement.

Lesley said she thought my radiotherapy will probably start in January as I am already in the system at Christies. She also said that with the radiotherapy, by right boob will shrink even more...bugger. Its a lready like a Water melon on one side and a canteloupe on the other ( a half eaten one at that!!). Still, I have no intention of whipping 'em out in public for the time being at least. They say you should maybe take a year to decide your next plan of action. They can reduce the other one or make a cosmetic hard shell to stop my bra sliding everywhere. I'll probably go for the reduction, It may help with my back problem :-). We'll see.

Next job is my radiotherapy tattoo. I am hoping for a Baloo the bear in a banana grass skirt or a microphone and some musical notes. Sadly I think it will be a dot. No harm in asking though!

I will keep my blog posted as things happen.

This is going to be a wonderful christmas. A few months ago, I wasn't sure how many more I would have...well, I still don't really, but you know what I mean.

Have a fabulous christmas and a healthy and happy new year.

My Mammogram is booked for next June! WHEN IS YOURS????????

KEEP CHECKING because if you find it early enough, before it takes a hold,you CAN beat this crappy disease.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

2nd Op 6th December 2010

Well, my surgeon loves me so much that he brought my op forward by 9 days, just so he could spend it with me!

We did all the birthday stuff on December 5th, which was very nice and made me forget about the op a little bit. We had a lovely lunch with John and Susy and enjoyed it thoroughly.

The hospital had phoned to say I was on the afternoon list and didn´t need to be there before 10.00am. We braved the snow and got there on time, only to be left in a waiting room for over an hour while they got my bed ready. Not sure why this happens? Its not like I turned up on spec and asked if there was any chance they could fit me in!!

Anyhow, they eventually gave me a bed and a gown and some hideous stockings that stop blood clots ( they actually stop blood circulation!!) I was pretty much last on the list, so I sent Mikey off home to do his homework.

The anaesthetist came to see me at about 2.00pm to see if I had any concerns. I told him about my vein problem and he wasn't overly concerned. He said that if he couldn´t find a usable vein, then he would put me to sleep with a mask and then worry about veins after.

Anyway, they came for me at about 3.45. I went to the theatre reception and my surgeon popped in to see me. He reassured me that it was a fairly small procedure which would only take about 40 minutes or so. He went off to scrub up and I went off to the anaesthetic room. I told the anaesthetist he had one shot, and then he had to knock me out!! He got a vein somewhere midway up the back of my arm. The last thing I remember was telling him that although it probably meant nothing to him, I was very impressed with his vein finding skills.

I was awoken in the recovery room and given loads of morphine, which was very pleasant. They kept me there until about 5.30 and then sent me up to the ward. On my way out of the theatre, the little Polish woman who had taken care of me the first time and reminded me of my mum was just coming into work and smiled. I actually didn´t feel too bad until they asked me to climb onto my bed and I nearly puked everywhere. I slept for a while and woke up in time for Mikey visiting. He didn´t stay long as I doubt I was making any sense at all in my morphine haze.

At some point during the evening they brought in another patient who kept all of us awake all night. I don´t want to sound uncaring, but after my 2nd cup of tea at 3.30 in the morning, I wanted to punch her! Even though she was deaf, forgetful and black and blue from head to toe after a fall....I need my sleep!! After getting no sleep at all I was ready for a coffee and some hot toast for brekkie. As usual the doctors turn up exactly at the same time as the toast....bugger!!

The doc had a look at my wound. I made the mistake of looking down as she did, and I burst into tears. Oh marvelous, I now have another huge dent in the front of my breast too!!! The doc tried to make it better by reassuring me that it would be made right as soon as the disease was all gone and that Mr Gandhi had tried to pad out my abscess dent a bit. Actually, I now feel a bit stupid getting upset. After all, its more important to get rid of the diseased cells than having perfectly symmetrical boobs!

They said if I was feeling ok, then I could go home that day. I didn´t feel great to be honest but I seriously needed some sleep. The pharmacist was trying to send me home with a packet of paracetamol until I pointed out that they might not quite cut it!!!

Like last time, everybody from the surgeons to the tea lady was amazing and I can´t thank them enough. The recovery was much easier this time, and quicker. It still hurts a bit but has healed up fine.

I am at the hospital tomorrow for the results of the tests on the stuff they took away. Please please let it be good news!! Assuming it is, I should start my radiotherapy in February.

My white hair is still coming along nicely. The pains in my leg muscles are very very bad and I can´t do too much walking yet but it will get better. My nails are starting to come off the nail beds, which I thought would happen earlier, during chemo. Apart from that....all is well. Looking forward to a nice christmas with my wonderful family.

I shouldn´t even need to tell you any more but.......KEEP CHECKING!!!