16th October 2010

This has been one heck of a week. I have spent it in bed. The pain took a week to subside, I have an abscess in my groin ( fortunately nowhere near as bad as the boob one!). Its a bit of a catch 22 really. I certainly needed the painkillers, but they make you itch terribly and bung you up too!!! Actually, this would be a great Harry Hill moment.......I like not having the pain but I don't like the itching.....Which is worse?? There's only one way to find out!!!!! Anyway, it was all better by Thursday night, Thank goodness

Chemo 4 9th October

After visiting Manchester Met Open day in the morning, we decided to go and see how Dad was getting on. As usual, we called to see Ange and Gabs first and to leave the car at their house. Emz raided their fridge ( its always the first thing she asks....'what's in the fridge?' We also got to see one of the puppies. By the time we got to Dad's my chest pains had started, and Dad was obviously taking his doctor's advice and eating his post heart-attack fish and chips. We left at about 7:30 and both Emz and I were in bed for 10 o-clock. I had taken some precautionary cocodamol to help me sleep.

By Sunday morning, the flu like symptoms had kicked in. Self-induced a cocodamol coma, hoping it would help, it certainly made me sleep but the pain was still there when I woke up. When I woke up, it felt like someone had a voodoo doll and was sticking pins in it at random points. My thumbs, my ankles, my earlobes, even my bloody eyeballs hurt. Hoped it would be gone by Monday, but no such luck. Pain was still there, just as bad. So I got to spend another day in bed.

By Tuesday I was convinced it would be better......Wrong. On top of the flu pains, I now have to injection pains in my chest and in my back (the A&E pains). I suspected from all the warnings that it was going to be tough, but I didn't imagine it would be this painful. Which from a Salford girl, means its "well painful". In fact, I think maybe childbirth would have been this painful, had I not have had every drug known to mankind. (That's another story)!

Will keep the blog updated, hopefully will be feeling better tomorrow.

Meanwhile, KEEP CHECKING!!!

Chemo Day 4. 7th Oct 2010

Been given steroids to take the day before chemo 4. The instructions tell you to take 4 tablets twice daily, starting the day before chemotherapy, with food, and not after 6pm. Which I did. I went to bed at about 11.30 as it was an 8.00am bloods at hospital. I gave up trying to sleep at 3.30am and went to try to sleep on the couch.....no...no sleep there either. I figured I was a bit concerned about the change of drugs and the side effects. The new drug sounds like an Italian midfielder...Taxotere. In fact I´m sure Roberto Mancini has tried to sign him!! Sounds OK til you start to read the possible side effects! I shall quote a couple:

Firstly it can have serious or life threatening effects! Or maybe bringing on the onset of type 2 diabetes ( not very good considering my family history) A definite but small chance of causing another cancer...skin rash...ulcers...flu like pains ..etc etc. No wonder I didn.t bloody sleep I didn´t think I was going to last the day out!!! Actually, my lack of sleep was nothing to do with any of these. It was because I should have taken all my steroids before lunchtime as they stop you sleeping. Lesson one taken on board!!

Blood tests were swift and painless...result! Saw Dr Howell ( who is very nice, like all the rest) and he made my day by saying that they could use my shonky, unusable arm for my cannula due to the fact that I no longer have usable veins in my left arm. I like him!!!

Had a bit of brekkie in the Wilmslow dining room, then up to the chemo ward. Had an hour delay which gave me a chance to catch up with Wendy my chemo buddy. She is doing fine too and not struggling too much, which is great!. This new drug is just given straight from an IV bag as it isn't as toxic as the first 3. The nurse got a heat pack for my arm, which didn't do much apart from burn me and the needle went in first time...pain free...RESULT!!! It takes an hour for the drug to go in, and 5 minutes extra for a quick saline flush. I even got a pork sandwich and a cup of tea. I´ll go there again!. Mikey went and picked up my needles for me, so I shared my sandwich with him, besides I have to be nice to him so he doesn't hurt when he gives me my jabs.

All in all, it was a positive day. 4 down, 2 to go. I know I still have a long way to go but its all heading in the right direction.

Fell asleep on the couch when I got home and caught up on some much needed kip.

Even better news today...abscess almost healed so I don´t have to go back for one week and it looks like my Halloween soak in the bath is definitely on the cards...woo hoo!!!

Keep in the pink and more importantly.......KEEP CHECKING !!!!!!

1st October. Much needed break.

With Dad on the mend and seeming ok, we decided not to cancel our weekend in Blackpool which had been organised by my very thoughtful Auntie Ann and Uncle Baz. We went to visit Dad on the way and then headed off to the camp site. Arrived just in time for a fish 'n' chip supper, which I do believe is obligatory on your first night in a caravan. We later had a stroll down to the club to watch the entertainment. The sign said it was a band called 'Grovestar´, which as I suspected was a misprint and they were actually called 'Groovestar'. They were OK but got a bit samey and we weren't sure if anyone other than the drummer and the singer were playing live, which was disappointing. Ann and I exercised great restraint and did all the retro dances ( i.e Agadoo, Superman and more amazingly the cha cha slide!!) whilst still sat down. Baz and Mikey were more like Statler and Waldorf from the Muppets , totally bemused by it all. By 11.00pm we were ready for some Karaoke, so we nipped off to the cafe bar to sing a bit. 3 hours, many songs and copious amounts of lager later, we headed back to the van.

Saturday, we did a tour of the Fylde coast, basically because we didn´t fancy staying in Blackpool all day waiting for the illuminations to be switched on. We went back and had some tea in Tommy Ducks ( though there was not a pair of drawers in sight!!! You´ll only get that if you are a Manc!!!) and then drove through the lights. Sadly we were all shattered when we got back to the van so we had a cosy night in.

Sunday morning Ann and I ( on a very tight budget) went to play on the penny shove machines in the arcade. I was shocked to find that they had doubled in price since I last went in an arcade....20 years ago!!!! Needless to say we left 3 quid lighter but enjoyed it.

We said our farewells and headed off to see Dad at the hospital, then off to Ange´s to watch the Southport Firework finals. Ange was making ´tater ash´for tea which we were looking forward to...until she mentioned the butter beans!! Butter beans???? in ´tater ash¨? whats that all about?? We talked her out of it and as a result, had a splendid tea, just in time for the fireworks.

Fireworks were great and it was quite mild too, much warmer than last year.

Like I said a much needed break with my lovely folks...thank you xx

29th September 2010. Dad

Today was a day I have dreaded for a long time. The phone rang at about 6.00pm. It was Ash, my younger sister. Her opening line was " Ok, don´t panic..but...Dads been taken into hospital with chest pains" The last time I heard that opener was 7 years ago, in Spain at 10.00am. That time it was my Dad on the phone telling me that my mum had been rushed into hospital with a heart attack, but not to panic. A day later, I no longer had a mum!! That's such a dumb thing to say, the first thing you do is panic! Anyway, we were mid way through dinner, so we finished and headed off to Southport. Picked up my sisters en route to the hospital. To be honest Dad looked fine, he just kept getting a little weepy because he was worried and like everyone over the age of 70ish , despite pretending to be ok with the idea of dying, when push comes to shove we are all scared of leaving.They hadn't found out what was wrong. There was talk of blood clots and heart attacks but the tests hadn't shown anything conclusive so they started him on injections in case it was a blood clot.

After 6 days and numerous tests, they decided he has had a mild heart attack and have finally sent him home with lots of tablets. I don't think it was caused by anything physical, he just stresses out over really insignificant things. He is aware of this and says he will try and chill out a bit. So with meds and lots of TLC from us all, he will be back to full strength again soon. Love you Dad x

Back to A&E again! 24th September 2010

Friday is one of my normal abscess packing days.So when I woke in the early hours of Friday morning with some very scary chest and back pain, I thought I'd just hang on and tell the nurses at The Nightingale about them and take their advice. They are,essentially my day 16 pains but 10 times worse. I have the abscess packed in between the pain spasms and Evelyn, my breast care nurse, is sent for. She insists I phone The Christie hotline ( who will tell me to go straight to A&E). I explain the problem, and they tell me to go to A&E. Evelyn tries to persuade me to go in a wheelchair...I politely explain that I am not an invalid and the fresh air will do me good. At the A&E, I am seen straight away and sent to resus. Not because I need resuscitating, but because they are the only beds. They give me a gown and do an ECG. ( which we know will be fine) The nurse comes back 10 minutes later and says its fine. They won't let me go home until I have seen a doctor though. (I am desperately trying to get home before they start mentioning needles) I also need a chest and back Xray. Em is desperately wanting it to turn into an episode of Casualty with people rushing around asking for a crash trolley and shouting "Clear". It doesn't, fortunately for everyone being treated! After an eternity, Emz starts to "starve" and has a need for McDonalds. From my last visit to Wythenshawe A&E, i know they allow food to be brought in, so I pack Emz and Mikey off to McD's with an order for a double cheeseburger for me. The doctor decides to start me off on some painkillers to see how we go. If they don't kick in soon, they will give me something stronger. The x ray is fine and we are still not talking about needles, but I just know we will be soon!!.

Yes, I was right!! The doctor had spoken to Christies and they said my blood count had to be checked....damn!! First shot......no, no blood from that one. Second shot , right next to my knuckle....success!! Except now, it won't stop bleeding. ( see pic of purple fingers!!) so she has to tie a tourniquet to stop it. Talk about a famine or a feast!

Mikey and Emz returned, fed and watered but it looks like I am there for at least another 2 hours, until bloods are back. Sent them home for a while. No point in all 3 of us sitting around bored. The painkillers are helping a bit. They still won't let me go home though. They do need my cubicle though, so I am moved to CDU to wait for results. About 3 hours later, results arrive. My blood count is great. Apparently, Christie's explained to the doctor that the pain was caused by the daily injections. They are given to boost the immune system, which means that the bone marrow is working flat out and becomes inflamed and swells, causing pain in the bones ( usually the sternum and spine and femur). They really should tell you this kind of stuff in advance. Next month I will just dose up with co codamol and curl up somewhere til it passes.

By Saturday, the pain had almost completely gone, so we went up to Southport to watch footie with my dad. ( Well, Mikey did. I went to see Tiny's pups. See pic. Sooo cute)

Sunday was an open day at Wythenshawe Hospital, so Em and I went to help on the Genesis stall. It's strange. The last time I had my Genesis shirt on was the day I found my lump...June 6th. So much has happened since then and there is still so much more to come, but in a few months time, I will be able to start making plans again and looking to the future instead of not being able to see beyond my next chemo day.I am hoping next chemo will be better. This one has been a toughie. I feel sick pretty much most of the time and the painful bits seem to have amplified many fold and I am running out of usable veins!!

Still, off for a nice couple of days away next weekend with family. Karaoke, bingo, beer and Blackpool Illuminations...come on...it doesn't get much better than that!!

Til next time..........KEEP CHECKING!!!! XX

Chemo Day 3. 16th Sept 2010

Not been blogging for a while. Basically because there hasn't been much to report on. The abscess is still being packed twice a week and is down to 1cm deep. The nurse reckons about 2 or 3 more weeks of bi-weekly packing should do it. Should be nicely healed just in time for them to cut it open again..hhmmm. Oh, had a bit of a worry last week. I found another lump, same breast. Didn't want to make a song and dance about it ( think I'm putting my folks through enough stress at the mo, without any more) the hospital did a scan, just to be on the safe side. I must admit, I wasn't too worried about it. The chemo is supposed to kill any rogue cells off and certainly shouldn't allow anything to grow!! The nurse was just worried it may be a new abscess. Anyway, scan showed some fluid build up but nothing needing to be drained and no solid mass at all...so that was good. I haven't felt sick at all and my hair has fallen out a bit more. Actually, on that subject.....as far as I am concerned,( apart from the obvious, that is, blitzing my whole body to kill off any cells that may have wandered and therefore making me better) there were only 2 up sides to this chemo. Firstly, that I wouldn't have to shave my legs for 5 months. WRONG!! My legs still need to be shaved. Secondly, that my monthlies would stop for the duration of the treatment and most likely never return.( A woman of my age really doesn't need them anyway!)

GUESS WHAT!!!!!!!! Damn my super immune system! Oh well, as long as priority number one is being taken care of.....

I didn't sleep last night, despite having a lovely comfy new memory foam mattress and pillows. I hate to think it, but I must have been getting stressed about today. Its only the vein thing. The chemo itself is fine...well apart from the prickly bum, dizziness and water up the nose feeling! No, honest, its really ok.

They found a vein straight away to take blood from. I knew we had peaked at that point. 2 good veins in one day...impossible. Got called in for chemo 10 minutes early..now I know its all about to go pear shaped!

My hand has been very sore with the hardening of my veins, so I was expecting it to hurt but bloody hell!!!. The nurse had a scout round my arm and hand and stumbled upon a possibly usable vein, right under my wrist bone. I did politely suggest she look for another one but to be honest,when they find a good vein its usually best to ignore my whimpering and just go for it. In all fairness, it went in first time, so that was good at least! 6 syringes later and its done. I kind of wish she had cut my hand off just above the wrist though. Not really. Sure it will start to get better soon. Mikey went and collected my injections and stuff from the pharmacy ( I must admit, he makes a very good nurse. He does my daily injections and doesn't hurt at all. That is possibly more to do with the excessive amounts of flesh around my belly than his gentle administration) and we went shopping. We have done lots of shopping in the last couple of days. This has just been to get out of the house while the central heating men work their magic. They weren't quite as popular with the woman downstairs, who complained to one of the workman that she was almost suicidal with all the drilling and hammering at 1.30pm. I am waiting for her to say something to me, so I can whip my hat off, expose my Festeresque head and put a little perspective into her life!!! Rant over.

Oh yes..I got the chest pains on day 16 again. Must tell The Christie to put it on their list of side effects.

Off to the Southport Airshow on Sunday. Monday its back to my decorating. Finished the lounge now. Oh go on then.....I'll finish the kitchen tomorrow after Mikey has some teeth out and we get back from the hospital. I think I may have either been Atilla the Hun or someone else suitably wicked in a past life! You know what though...I have a wonderful family and I love every minute I spend with them. Regardless of what we are doing.

One more thing.....KEEP CHECKING!!!!!!!! xxx