Operation Day 26th March 2018
My letter said to be at The Nightingale Centre at 8am. They are putting in a guide wire before the operation. I assume they do this when they don't have a big lump to aim for. First things first. Another mammogram to check that the clips haven't moved. Check. Though I'm beginning to worry that at this rate my boobs will be permanently flattened or frazzled with radiation! If I didn't already have cancer, I would get it due to massive exposure to radiation. Next is the guide wire insertion. Honestly, it is an experience like no other being laid down and clamped to a mammogram machine. After a few shots of local anaesthetic ( probably more Rhino sized amounts this time) its time to insert the wire. I was envisaging some fine copper wire, fine and shiny like in a plug. The wire was in fact of a similar dimension to the stuff they put in concrete to strengthen it! Once it was in place they have to...you guessed it... do another mammogram. Which was ok, I was numb in that area anyway but I was slightly concerned when the nurse told me to look away so the wire didn't " take my eye out" !! Oh, just one more thing. I need an isotopic injection which will show up the sentinel node. I had read that it was a blue dye which turned your boob blue and made your pee blue for a few days. In my childish mind, I thought this would be quite amusing. You can't believe how gutted I was when she told me that they were using a clear tracer. The nurse explained that because it was radioactive, they would use a geiger counter to find it. She promptly whips out a geiger counter and sticks it in my armpit. It was like the intro to Crazy Horses!! (You Tube it!!). Cheered me up no end to know I was officially radioactive now. Anyway, sight intact, or as much as intact as my sight ever is, it was over to The Roz Henson Ward for Girlie Bits Problems for part 2. I had fessed up to Emily and told her what was happening, so she had taken the day off to come with us. She was actually really good and very calm when I told her. After I had left her, she sobbed for 4 hours and shouted at me for not telling her sooner. As always, my wingman Mikey was there by my side. When I had infected stitches, he was there, with his trusty Stanley knife, sterilized with his lighter and cut them out. When I had cancer last time he was there every step by my side. When I had Chemo he was there, holding my good hand. When I had my hysterectomy, he was there. He was by my side every day at radiotherapy. I've just realised something... Mikey, you're a fooking jinx!! :-)
Monday, 23 April 2018
Friday, 20 April 2018
Long Time No C
Well hello again. It's been a while. I'm hoping you have all been checking the boobies on a regular basis and attending regular mammograms and that your boobs haven't tried to kill you.
So, a few years ago I was randomly selected for an under 50s mammogram trial. Basically, NHS in the Northwest are screening women under 50 to see if it is a worthwhile thing to do. I'm guessing it's because women seem to be getting breast cancer much younger and this could well save more lives. As a consequence of this trial, I tend to have mammograms every 18 months- 2 years instead of the usual 3 years. My last one was on March 5th 2018. They tend to be quite painful since the operations. Its bad enough that they get squished flat like dinner plates ( I'm happy to say they are still more dinner plate than side plate sized) but when they are full of stiff scar tissue it's a bit rough. Still, it's a necessary evil.
3 days after my mammogram, I have an appointment at Gynae, Wythenshawe. It appears I have a condition called Lychen Schlerosus. Its a skin problem caused by, wait for it..... lack of oestrogen!! As you may recall, my cancer was hormone fed, so I am on Tamoxifen to mop up any random hormones floating around n my bloodstream. So, HRT is a non starter too. Great. The symptoms of LS are very dry skin patches and skin atrophy coupled with what I can only compare to the sensation of paper cuts on the most sensitive of girlie bits. Yes, my eyes water just thinking about it too!! Anyhows, I have steroid cream and other creams to smother on my bits. So, though I'm not really a "mard arse" ( as my mother would say), I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself. We got back from the hospital ( I say we, as Mikey, as always is accompanying me on my many visits to hospitals/doctors etc. Bless him, he is so good about this stuff. I'm sure he could draw a map of Wythenshawe hospital and all it's wards and departments from memory.)and I check the post. Letter from NHS following up from mammogram. Hang on...read it again.... and read it again. No, no, no. This is not what it's supposed to say! They are calling me back for another mammogram. Nothing to worry about they say. It's perfectly normal and these things are usually nothing at all and its quite common. My heart sinks. Not again. Please not again. I try to be upbeat and positive on the outside but inside i am sobbing. Actually, now I come to think about it, I have had a fair bit of pain in my right breast and some cording in my arm which I haven't had for years. I think that there is no need to worry everyone yet. I can do enough of that for everyone. Besides, its quite common and its usually nothing to worry about. I will wait until I have something to actually tell people. A couple of years ago, I had a scare. Not as a result of a mammogram but after an x ray. They were taking some xrays of my hips as I have terrible pain in them. The xray picked up a 'bone island' at the head of my femur. My doctor, who is a lovely guy sat and held my hand and said that ' he was thinking exactly what I was thinking', that the cancer had spread to my bones. Two weeks of thinking I was dying and a CT scan later, I discover that although they don't know what it is, they do know what it isn't. Several oncologists had looked at the scans, as well as bone specialists and they all agreed it was nothing to worry about. Its just ' there'. In that instance, I told Em what was happening. I have never seen her face filled with so much fear and sadness. I felt so guilty. I wasn't going to do that again. No, this time I would wait. In fact I will probably never have to tell her anything anyway. Fingers crossed.
15th March I was back at The Nightingale for another mammogram and ultrasound. The radiographer sat me down and explained why there was a recall. The letter didn't give any information at all. Left, right, top bottom? She explained there was a small patch of tissue which looked denser than the rest. " Right side again?" I asked knowingly. "No, the left". She told me it was very small and right near the muscle at the back. After the first set of mammograms had been done, the registrar had a look and said she thought it was probably some overlapping breast tissue but she would do an ultrasound to confirm her thoughts. Whilst she was doing the ultrasound, she said she was very confident that it was absolutely fine and that she would do one more mammogram but from a more precise angle and then i could go home. I asked if my lymph nodes looked ok, as they didn't last time. She said that they looked fine. I had the other mammogram. My boobs were bloody throbbing by this point. I was told to sit in the waiting room. So 5 minutes later, a nurse in a plastic pinny comes over to us. "Mrs Henson?" I nodded. " I'm just going to take you through for your biopsy"..... " I'm sorry but have you got the right person? I have spent the last 2 hours being told its nothing to worry about and i could go home in a minute to suddenly I'm having a biopsy? That cant be right"
Seemingly it was right. I was having a biopsy!
It was very different to last time. There wasn't a lump to just aim for and pluck bits off. First of all they get you into the mammogram machine and locate the dodgy bits. its very uncomfortable when the bit they're after is practically in your cleavage! The 2 radiographers are lovely though and we manage to have a laugh. They numb the area with a couple of local anaesthetic shots ( actually, I had about 6. I'm sure they could have taken an elephant down with less than I had). They then fire a couple of locator clips in, so they can find the exact spot if I need surgery. They took about 8 or 10 lots of stuff for histology. At last,I was ok to go home...4 hours, 5 cups of coffee,300 mammograms, an ultrasound, local anaesthetic, clips and dozens of biopsies later. It's exhausting. Still, its done now and we wait. I cant sit wailing and blubbing and feeling sorry for myself. I know how this works. I got this. If someone had said to me 8 years ago that I had to go through this every 8 years and live until my 80s , I'd have taken that. Think positive !!
March 21st. 2018. Results day. Despite my outward persona being all positivity and calm, inside, I know this isn't over yet. As we sat in the waiting area I said to Mike that I thought at the very least, this would end in surgery. Mike was convinced that it was going to be all ok as they had kept me waiting for 2 hours past my appointment time and he thought that would be a bit mean, to keep me waiting just to give me bad news. I on the other hand was thinking that he was maybe waiting for a breast care nurse to be free to break the bad news. We eventually went through to a room with a ticking clock. Tick, tock, tick, tock. I hate the ticking clock. The worst part of this is the not knowing, the waiting, the ticking clock.
Mr Murphy knocks and introduces himself. There is a breast care nurse with him. She has a booklet, its yellow, with a sunflower on it. I know whats coming. I have been right here before. I've been given that booklet before. Mr Murphy is a very matter of fact bloke. He has a fantastic Northern accent and I immediately like him. Without much hesitation he tells me that I have cancer again. However, it's very small and it looks like very early days. I had a CT scan last September and nothing showed up on that so he's confident that it hasn't spread. They are going to do a sentinel node biopsy just to be on the safe side. I don't ask him to take all the lymph nodes out as it doesn't seem as serious this time. Its grade 2 and is hormone fed again. Well so much for Tamoxifen!!!! 7 years of menopause and joint pain. An elective hysterectomy, for what? As Mikey quite rightly pointed out, it has been kept at bay for almost 8 years, so it must have done something good. Mr Murphy is confident that I will only need radiotherapy, surgery and a change of drug. Letrozole is the new drug. Apparently, where Tamoxifen mops up oestrogen, Letrozole stops the production, I think. As luck would have it, Mr Gandhi , who has done my previous surgeries has a cancellation for next Monday. Lucky me.
I have to attend a pre op assessment the following day to check I'm ok for surgery. I am.
I really think that its about time they changed the name of the ward from F16 to ' The Rosalind Henson Ward for women with girlie bits issues. Seriously, the staff recognise me!!!
So, a few years ago I was randomly selected for an under 50s mammogram trial. Basically, NHS in the Northwest are screening women under 50 to see if it is a worthwhile thing to do. I'm guessing it's because women seem to be getting breast cancer much younger and this could well save more lives. As a consequence of this trial, I tend to have mammograms every 18 months- 2 years instead of the usual 3 years. My last one was on March 5th 2018. They tend to be quite painful since the operations. Its bad enough that they get squished flat like dinner plates ( I'm happy to say they are still more dinner plate than side plate sized) but when they are full of stiff scar tissue it's a bit rough. Still, it's a necessary evil.
3 days after my mammogram, I have an appointment at Gynae, Wythenshawe. It appears I have a condition called Lychen Schlerosus. Its a skin problem caused by, wait for it..... lack of oestrogen!! As you may recall, my cancer was hormone fed, so I am on Tamoxifen to mop up any random hormones floating around n my bloodstream. So, HRT is a non starter too. Great. The symptoms of LS are very dry skin patches and skin atrophy coupled with what I can only compare to the sensation of paper cuts on the most sensitive of girlie bits. Yes, my eyes water just thinking about it too!! Anyhows, I have steroid cream and other creams to smother on my bits. So, though I'm not really a "mard arse" ( as my mother would say), I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself. We got back from the hospital ( I say we, as Mikey, as always is accompanying me on my many visits to hospitals/doctors etc. Bless him, he is so good about this stuff. I'm sure he could draw a map of Wythenshawe hospital and all it's wards and departments from memory.)and I check the post. Letter from NHS following up from mammogram. Hang on...read it again.... and read it again. No, no, no. This is not what it's supposed to say! They are calling me back for another mammogram. Nothing to worry about they say. It's perfectly normal and these things are usually nothing at all and its quite common. My heart sinks. Not again. Please not again. I try to be upbeat and positive on the outside but inside i am sobbing. Actually, now I come to think about it, I have had a fair bit of pain in my right breast and some cording in my arm which I haven't had for years. I think that there is no need to worry everyone yet. I can do enough of that for everyone. Besides, its quite common and its usually nothing to worry about. I will wait until I have something to actually tell people. A couple of years ago, I had a scare. Not as a result of a mammogram but after an x ray. They were taking some xrays of my hips as I have terrible pain in them. The xray picked up a 'bone island' at the head of my femur. My doctor, who is a lovely guy sat and held my hand and said that ' he was thinking exactly what I was thinking', that the cancer had spread to my bones. Two weeks of thinking I was dying and a CT scan later, I discover that although they don't know what it is, they do know what it isn't. Several oncologists had looked at the scans, as well as bone specialists and they all agreed it was nothing to worry about. Its just ' there'. In that instance, I told Em what was happening. I have never seen her face filled with so much fear and sadness. I felt so guilty. I wasn't going to do that again. No, this time I would wait. In fact I will probably never have to tell her anything anyway. Fingers crossed.
15th March I was back at The Nightingale for another mammogram and ultrasound. The radiographer sat me down and explained why there was a recall. The letter didn't give any information at all. Left, right, top bottom? She explained there was a small patch of tissue which looked denser than the rest. " Right side again?" I asked knowingly. "No, the left". She told me it was very small and right near the muscle at the back. After the first set of mammograms had been done, the registrar had a look and said she thought it was probably some overlapping breast tissue but she would do an ultrasound to confirm her thoughts. Whilst she was doing the ultrasound, she said she was very confident that it was absolutely fine and that she would do one more mammogram but from a more precise angle and then i could go home. I asked if my lymph nodes looked ok, as they didn't last time. She said that they looked fine. I had the other mammogram. My boobs were bloody throbbing by this point. I was told to sit in the waiting room. So 5 minutes later, a nurse in a plastic pinny comes over to us. "Mrs Henson?" I nodded. " I'm just going to take you through for your biopsy"..... " I'm sorry but have you got the right person? I have spent the last 2 hours being told its nothing to worry about and i could go home in a minute to suddenly I'm having a biopsy? That cant be right"
Seemingly it was right. I was having a biopsy!
It was very different to last time. There wasn't a lump to just aim for and pluck bits off. First of all they get you into the mammogram machine and locate the dodgy bits. its very uncomfortable when the bit they're after is practically in your cleavage! The 2 radiographers are lovely though and we manage to have a laugh. They numb the area with a couple of local anaesthetic shots ( actually, I had about 6. I'm sure they could have taken an elephant down with less than I had). They then fire a couple of locator clips in, so they can find the exact spot if I need surgery. They took about 8 or 10 lots of stuff for histology. At last,I was ok to go home...4 hours, 5 cups of coffee,300 mammograms, an ultrasound, local anaesthetic, clips and dozens of biopsies later. It's exhausting. Still, its done now and we wait. I cant sit wailing and blubbing and feeling sorry for myself. I know how this works. I got this. If someone had said to me 8 years ago that I had to go through this every 8 years and live until my 80s , I'd have taken that. Think positive !!
March 21st. 2018. Results day. Despite my outward persona being all positivity and calm, inside, I know this isn't over yet. As we sat in the waiting area I said to Mike that I thought at the very least, this would end in surgery. Mike was convinced that it was going to be all ok as they had kept me waiting for 2 hours past my appointment time and he thought that would be a bit mean, to keep me waiting just to give me bad news. I on the other hand was thinking that he was maybe waiting for a breast care nurse to be free to break the bad news. We eventually went through to a room with a ticking clock. Tick, tock, tick, tock. I hate the ticking clock. The worst part of this is the not knowing, the waiting, the ticking clock.
Mr Murphy knocks and introduces himself. There is a breast care nurse with him. She has a booklet, its yellow, with a sunflower on it. I know whats coming. I have been right here before. I've been given that booklet before. Mr Murphy is a very matter of fact bloke. He has a fantastic Northern accent and I immediately like him. Without much hesitation he tells me that I have cancer again. However, it's very small and it looks like very early days. I had a CT scan last September and nothing showed up on that so he's confident that it hasn't spread. They are going to do a sentinel node biopsy just to be on the safe side. I don't ask him to take all the lymph nodes out as it doesn't seem as serious this time. Its grade 2 and is hormone fed again. Well so much for Tamoxifen!!!! 7 years of menopause and joint pain. An elective hysterectomy, for what? As Mikey quite rightly pointed out, it has been kept at bay for almost 8 years, so it must have done something good. Mr Murphy is confident that I will only need radiotherapy, surgery and a change of drug. Letrozole is the new drug. Apparently, where Tamoxifen mops up oestrogen, Letrozole stops the production, I think. As luck would have it, Mr Gandhi , who has done my previous surgeries has a cancellation for next Monday. Lucky me.
I have to attend a pre op assessment the following day to check I'm ok for surgery. I am.
I really think that its about time they changed the name of the ward from F16 to ' The Rosalind Henson Ward for women with girlie bits issues. Seriously, the staff recognise me!!!
14.10.2013 The Pre Op.
Today's pre op all went fine. They did all the usual tests and everything was ok. Saw the doctor and she gave me a 'pre op' drink to take on Monday morning at 6.30am, so at least I get to drink something. Not quite a Nescafe Barista but hey ho. After checks, I had to go up to 'Medical Imaging'. which is a posh way of saying 'a topless shoot'. I am guessing they are for before and after pics. Either that or the NHS has a nice little earner in conjunction with the 'Deformed Boobs' website ( It's a niche market). I asked the photographer to not get my face in, just in case. All sorted within an hour. That's it then, this time next week I'll be under the knife once again. Purely in the interests of 'before and after'. Here are my' before' boobs. To be honest, I didn't realise how different they were. I tend to see them from looking down usually.
Today's pre op all went fine. They did all the usual tests and everything was ok. Saw the doctor and she gave me a 'pre op' drink to take on Monday morning at 6.30am, so at least I get to drink something. Not quite a Nescafe Barista but hey ho. After checks, I had to go up to 'Medical Imaging'. which is a posh way of saying 'a topless shoot'. I am guessing they are for before and after pics. Either that or the NHS has a nice little earner in conjunction with the 'Deformed Boobs' website ( It's a niche market). I asked the photographer to not get my face in, just in case. All sorted within an hour. That's it then, this time next week I'll be under the knife once again. Purely in the interests of 'before and after'. Here are my' before' boobs. To be honest, I didn't realise how different they were. I tend to see them from looking down usually.
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