Looking back over my blog today and in all honesty, it seems like a lifetime ago. In many ways, it's been a tough couple of years and in others, it's been amazing! Quick recap..... I started work 2 weeks after finishing radiotherapy out of necessity, as our fine government decided that cancer isn't a serious enough illness to pay any type of benefits!! Earned myself a promotion after a lot of hard work and determination and settled back down to 'normal' life. The problem is, it isn't normal, nothing will ever be normal again. The chemo and the Tamoxifen has taken its toll and I am having my 2nd bone scan in 6 months. Looks like I have osteoporosis in my spine and am in constant pain. Every morning it is pain that wakes me. It's not all down to the treatment I know, and don't get me wrong, the alternative was not an option. The cancer still looms large constantly. I'm not sure if other people think like me but the other day I was stressing because I couldn't catch a cold. I kept waking up with the symptoms and by lunchtime they would be gone. Now normal people would think " great" it's gone. I, on the other hand was thinking, why? Is it because I have too many white blood cells and my immune system is working overtime hmmm Cancer? The pain in my hips? Bone cancer? Indigestion? or stomach cancer?  I am sure that I am not alone feeling like this and I try my hardest not to keep going to the doctor in case they think I am an over reacting hypochondriac but at the same time, I was so lucky finding my lump as soon as I did. The sooner you catch it, the better your chances. I think it's probably like being a member of AA ( not the motoring association!) once you've had it, it never leaves you and it's always lurking around the corner.
Despite the stressful and painful 2 years, I now have a wonderful head of hair and eyebrows and eyelashes. I have vile scars, but they are my battle wounds and I guess a very small price to pay. Still considering the boob job but I probably won't bother. I'm far too old to be whipping them out on a beach and Mikey loves me on the inside as much as out, so I probably won't bother. I will be going for my bi annual mammogram in July, which I don't really worry about while I'm on the Tamoxifen, it's afterwards, when I stop taking it that scares me. I want to know my grandchildren, I want to be a nana. I want to see my girl happy and settled. I want to be able to collect a pension!! Things most of us take for granted, I will cherish with every breath in me.
Oh yes, one more thing.........KEEP CHECKING!!!!!!!

Back In hospital. 13th August 2010

Slept on the couch last night, just because its comfy. Got up at 7.00am to make Mikey's brie and cranberry baguette for lunch. He always says not to but it makes me feel better. Thought I must have been lay funny cos it feels like I have pulled a muscle in my chest. Anyway, Mikey gets off to work and I go back to my couch for a few more zzzzz's. Phone woke me up at 10.45. It was Mikey, letting me know how is probationary review had gone. It had gone ok. The pain in my chest was still there though but it didn't feel like a muscular pain any more. The only way I can really desribe it is